Four Tips for Getting-It-On Outdoors

We’re entering summer weather, and you know what that means:  Getting-it-on in the great outdoors.  At least it SHOULD mean that.  Please can it mean that?  Just once before I die?

Here are some VERY important tips if you do decide to take your fornicating beauty into nature:

1.  Don’t get caught.  You don’t want to wind up with a ticket or going to jail.  Or doing something extra embarrassing and having us talk about you on the radio.

2.  Pick a secluded location.  The woods, the beach at night, and your fenced-in backyard are all good, secluded options.

3.  Be prepared.  Make sure you have a thick blanket or towel to protect yourselves from rocks, twigs, and all of the other uncomfortable elements.  And if you’re going to the woods, bring bug spray.

4.  Get to it on the quicker side.  You’re in an uncontrolled environment.  So this isn’t the time to finally prove that you DO know what foreplay is.